1. I'm an idiot for asking HIM.
2. He got his skivvies totally in a ball LAST time when I revealed to him his 'code name.'
3. He can't read for jack. I'll give him 1/2 credit by saying he didn't have his glasses on. A de ja vus of sorts for me.
The night we met we stayed up late into the night and somehow ended up reading an article in a magazine to each other. While I'd love to tell you it was an article from NewsWeek or the NewYorker. Twas not. Astrological something or nother from Cosmo. He didnt' have his glasses on and in turn: I feared for the man sitting in front of me of whom I beleived, operated on a 1st grade reading level.. if that. mY VISIONS of children together...were visions of a shallow gene pool with kids who had to wear floaties. All their life.
* disclaimertoavoidfuturetroubleincasehereadsthis
I love him. Terribly somedays. But I am by far a better reader than he. He is talented in many ways and totally whoops my ass at all things logical, scientifical and mathematical. I am math retarded and logically deficient. Put a logic book in front of me and I'll cry. NO need to threaten to bullybeat me up. Save your fists, use a logic book.
4. He doesn't get ME. My intonation. My little quips. My ghetto speaks. My whooole.. way of typing what's in my head. So he read it.. the parts he got out RIGHT.. like some wrinkly old robot. All stiff and old person style. GAH! It was as if he were electrocuting me with every word that he got out. bzzz ... bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz... bzzzzzzzzzzzzz
5. Five sentences in.. I was lying on the floor writhing in pain when I screamed, "STOP JUST STOP! I'll tell you where my gold is hidden.. please for the love of all that is created by Jesus.. STOP."
6. Again, skivvies began to pucker for him. AWK moments ensued.
I dismissed him kindly after reading it OUT LOUD to HIM. ( controoool freaaaaaak) and tried to regain my composure. Needless to say, it was not a good scene.
He did say I was very creative... which is very kind and I'm certain very sincere. But it was like being told "You look nice today." , AFTER someone says to you.. "Geese. what. have . you . been. eating. lately. OINK OINK?" Or.. "Now THAT'S an interesting way to wear capris. "
So I'm wondering. Are any of you as GIFTED AND TALENTED as moi? In so much as having the ability to read another's blog with the proper intonation, PAUSES, quips ET- CET-ERA?
p.S. My mom also read my blog once or twice out loud in Colorado. I went running for the hills as well..not for content.. but for the massacre that was occuring.
Perhaps I should blog AUDIO STYLE?
You diggety?
9 comments:
You just need to come to terms with the fact that dbd doesn't speakety the lingety...
I LOVE your style. and who needs logic anyway, math either for that matter.
What a great post, totally made me giggle...boys just dont get it :)
Stopping by from SITS to let you know we are having a big Getaway Giveaway to raise money for our charity. 2 Round Trip Airline Tickets & a Sweet Spot Pink Breast Cancer Putter.
www.spiritjump.org
no diggity no doubt.... I totally get it and I think I am reading it all in the same annunciations, rhetoric, and articulations as you had hoped.... Fo sho! :)
Are you kidding? I always read your posts aloud to myself. Not only do I totally get your free form, but I also occasionally throw in what I think is your swagga ... cause I know you be strutting your stuff around after hitting publish on a good post :)
I love reading what you write. You're friggin' hilarious! It reads like what my brain feels like...I don't know any other way to put it. Like if my brain were laid out on the desk and it grew weird little stubs to type with, what comes out would be like what you write. Or something like that...
P.S. My Mom reads your Blog, too, and she laughs herself silly!! She LOVES it!
Even though I have not heard you actual voice in...5 years???, I can TOTALLY hear you saying everything that you type! THat is what makes your blog so damn funny. It is your personality coming through loud and clear!
OMG--I so remember that! What I also remember is me begging you to go out with my then boyfriend (the crazy what the hell was I thinking guy that I know I only subjected myself to so you could meet DBD)and his buddy he was bringing to the airport--and you whined you were too tired and sat slouched in the kitchen eating until he came in and you got that "oh fu$% why did I not change out of my first grade teacher outfit and let me wipe this ranch dressing of my face so I can jump you" look. Luckily you changed and we said 'omg he's so cute!!!!" in the bathroom as you frantically got dressed...the next day you wondered if he had dropped out in 6th grade--but you still thought he was cute :)
SMy husband doesn't read my posts. He read a children's book I wrote years ago and said, "Do you need me to help you?" I told him I 'd go to work the next day and show him how to make lightbulbs (his job). However, he supports, encourages, and brags about what I do. I just don't ask him to read. It's like asking a lion, "If I stick my arm in there, will you not eat it?" Well, what do ya think?
I get you Debby...always have :) Your quirks, your style....love it all. Keep writing and keep it secret from DBD for he can't appreciate and adore you the same as we do :)
Post a Comment